Anonymous

I had a one night stand with someone who I didn't particularly want to have sex with, and definitely didn't want to have unprotected sex with, but I felt too weak to speak up in the moment and say that so it happened, and now I think he gave me herpes and now I feel like a big piece of trash and I'm so upset and I'm going to the doctor later for them to tell me I should have told him to wear a condom and I just feel horrible. Do you have any advice?

Well the good news is that herpes is a very common STI that according to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention about one and six people between 14 to 49 live with. So you don’t need to feel bad, you just have to know and understand how you can properly take care of you and your future partners. The Doctors will probably advise you that you should have definitely used a condom, but even if you did you would have still been at risk to catch herpes. It can transmit through more than just unprotected penetrative sex. I hope that you learnt an important lesson and choose to be safe every time from now on, but it’s not too late to speak up if you were forced into having sex but you’ve got to say no if you don’t want it to happen the sooner you say so the better. And remember in the future you’ll still be able to have a happy and healthy sex life, you just have to be more responsible and aware of the risks. Also talking with close friends can be very beneficial, you might be surprised to learn who you know that has it too. 

opaquepeony

I totally understand if you don't feel comfortable answering this but through out my life I've battled with self harm. I did it last night for the first time in maybe a year. My partner is extremely angry and disappointed in me, he doesn't know how to handle the situation and now we're fighting. I don't really know what to do. I tried to explain to him how I was feeling and he basically just doesn't want to hear it and thinks there's no excuse. I'm just so upset right now.

I remember experiencing a similar kind of relapse when I was younger and battling depression as well. Emotions are always high when someone cares a lot about you, and it’s important you remember that as an outsider to your emotions self harm can be very confusing and scary to your loved ones. While his support may feel like the thing you need most right now  you need to learn the skills to be able to rationalize the situation and calm yourself down on your own because the truth is your partner can only help so much but it’s really up to you. I’d recommend looking into mindfulness behavioural therapy and developing a regular yoga practice. Both have helped me a lot with slowing down irrational thinking and the desire to harm myself. As for your partner, the best thing you can do to get through to him is to show him that you’re taking steps to find a safe space for yourself in your own mind. His anger comes from worry and future you will be less angry at yourself as well if you’re able to make this a one time thing and not allow the compulsion to harm yourself to grab a hold of you again. Take care of yourself. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

I feel like I'm ready to have sex with someone I've known and loved for some time now, but because of my body confidence issues, I'm worried he won't... Like.. my body. I'm black and this would be his first time with a different race and I'm just :/

Race shouldn’t have anything to do with how he perceives your body. Your body is an extension of you and I’m sure he’ll find you beautiful and look at you only with adoration and respect when you are undressed. If anything he’ll enjoy and appreciate you more because your body will look and feel totally new to him. Be confident and you have nothing to worry about. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

I am 19. I have always been very self conscious of my stretchmarks! I have a lot on my butt and i just hate it. It makes me feel so ugly. Now i am pregnant and i am getting a few more on my butt and i am freaking out! I feel no one will want me

I’m sitting here working on a piece of art for this week’s Submission Sunday and am deciding to draw one of my favourite areas of my body, the stretch marks on my ass. The only struggle I’ve faced in drawing them is not being able to capture how beautiful they are. Learn to love them, I hated them too when I was 19, but now I look at them as one of the best features of my body. Growth is beautiful and natural and normal. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

I am confused if I have what would be called a 'fettish' or just something I prefer. Recently I have been really attracted to transgender bodies. The femininity of a beautiful face but having a penis or the manliness of a face but having a vagina. I don't know what it is and I am sure the people in question must struggle with their bodies or maybe not, I don't know. It's just something I would struggle to explain to others. Any suggestions? I am sorry if I am insulting anybody, it's not intended

Being attracted to transgender bodies is a preference that I’m sure you share with many. I think it’s something you should explore and deepen your knowledge of by making some transgendered friends and getting to know their experience. Last night I was hanging out with a friend who gave his first blowjob to a woman he didn’t know was mtf. He said when he discovered her penis he was surprised but couldn’t really think of anything else to do in the moment. He said she was someone he was into and was excited by their touch and wanted to pleasure them, regardless of assigned gender and is looking forward to seeing them again. I couldn’t help but feel like his explanation of the whole act was really beautiful and inspiring and I would hope anyone you told about your relationships would feel the same. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

Im 22 and I've never had sex, at least I don't think I have. When ever I've tried to have sex with my boyfriend, I get really nervous and self conscious and it's just really hurts when he tries to put it in, so I stop him. And I just really wanna have sex and I want to enjoy sex :/

Allow yourself to relax and enjoy the experience. There is nothing to be nervous about as long as you two are safe and there is good communication between you about what feels good and what doesn’t. Use lube to make sure he slides in easy and go slow. Trust that any self conscious thoughts are distortions and being confident and showing care and attraction towards your partner will ensure a good experience for both of you. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

Is it reprehesible to go to a sexworker to lose my virginity? I'm now in my mid-20s, have never had a relationship or any sexual experience with a woman and I'm tired of it. At the same time, I'm asking myself what a possible partner would think if I'd say to her that I never had sex. And I fear most women (and men, too!) aren't so symphatetic like you both and the wonderful people on this site...

It’s certainly not reprehensible to go to a sexworker to lose your virginity or in general, but I wouldn’t go to one out of fear or expectation that a potential future partner will take issue with your virginity. There are definitely people you could meet who are either in the same boat as you or don’t care about your sexual experiences before them and are willing to show you the way. If you decide to go to a sex worker go to one because you understand that they are non-judging professionals that would ensure your first experience is whatever you would need it to be. 
-Trouble

gingermonkey76-deactivated20140

Hi there, I hope you are both well. Your blog is amazing! I really want to buy a bracelet. When will they be available again?

It’s hard to say. Our bracelet guy has taken a break and we’re currently looking for new artisans to come up with the next edition of NN black band bracelets. I have a talented friend who makes jewellery and am hoping she’ll come up with something really awesome. 
-Trouble

whoopshere-i-am

Ninja and trouble, do you two plan on getting married one day? Or are you? Sorry I haven't been following to long... But I absolutely love your blog! Xo

Ninja and I don’t plan on anything, other than being nice to each other for as long as that feels right. 
-Trouble

drunkmischief

Hey, I've been thinking about getting into posting more and submitting pics of myself places, but i dont want to be just another guy showing off his dick, i want to make the pics appealing. I have heard you guys have awesome male submissions, could you possibly link me a few good references to give me some ideas on good male nsfw pics? Please and thank you!

We have so many great male submissions, so be sure to scroll through for even more inspiration. It’s easy to get away from the classic dick pick and still show off your stuff if you’re creative. Experimenting with your pose can help make your submission more interesting. Or playing around with focus and depth of field. Sometimes all it takes is beautiful lighting and capturing an honest moment to create a great submission. Hope this helps spark some ideas. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

What are some safe word recommendations? We don't want it to sound silly necessarily, but we aren't entirely sure. It would be something you would never say even during a role play. Suggestions?

Just as long as it’s a word you both agree on that wouldn’t make sense in a sexual situation it doesn’t have to be silly. You could always pick a word but say it in another language so you can distinguish it as a safe word and don’t have to think about it’s real meaning in that moment.
-Trouble

Anonymous

I have a long labia and it's something I've been terribly self-conscious about for a very long time. The last guy I slept with who was very very attractive actually asked me why I "cover myself when I'm naked." Literally, every time he was not inside of me, my hand was covering it. I have wanted labiaplasty for so long, but I've heard it can make maters worse.. Is it normal? Is it completely unattractive? My body absolutely disgusts me anymore. :(

Yes, you’re completely normal, the problem isn’t you or your vagina and there is no need to feel you need to change it. The problem is that most pornography gives us an unrealistic standard of what all vaginas look like and the school system, particularly sexual education, doesn’t teach body positivity enough to prepare us for the inevitable insecurity women face around the appearance of their labia not being the same. Truth is our bodies are all so unique and beautiful in their own way. Long labias are common and normal and just as sexy as ones that aren’t so own them.
-Trouble

Anonymous

I consider myself a very sexual person, but I've only been with one person and, to say the least, he was disappointing. I've felt very strong attractions to women, too, but I'm scared to pursue those desires. I grew up with a homophobic and cruel father and while I know that me sleeping with another woman wouldn't be wrong, I still have this weird nagging feeling that I'm doing something wrong by thinking about it. I'm also terrified that I'd be bad at it.

What is more important to you? Living up to the expectations and criticisms of someone whose opinion you know is wrong, or being truly happy in your life and expressing yourself as you are? At some point we have to stop being subservient to our parents’ world view and trusting in our own needs as adults. As for being bad at it, women are very understanding creatures. So I’m sure anyone who you got involved with that knew it was new for you would help to guide you. You already know what you like on yourself so it’s easy to keep that in mind when you’re pleasuring another person. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

My boyfriend have been together for only 3 months, but we already have the best sex of my life and are talking about living together and perhaps getting married. Do you think it is too soon?

I’d advise not to get ahead of yourselves by discussing marriage so soon, it’s a big commitment and a step that you should definitely work towards. I know it’s exciting to talk about these things but it’s important to also to be realistic. As for moving in, I moved in with Ninja after just three months of dating so I can’t really criticize. Just be sure you’d be compatible room mates before doing so and be ready to face the challenge of moving out if it doesn’t work. Take it day by day, life is long and there’s no rush. 
-Trouble

Anonymous

What do you think about stretch marks? Does it usually turn a guy off significantly?

If it’s turning a guy off then he’s got his priorities wrong. Stretch marks are normal and beautiful. I love mine and would hope any person I am with feels the same.
-Trouble